The Greatest Gift – A Daughter of The King
Feb 8, 2019 // By:Sue Cadieux // 10 comments
I was born on May 28, 1965 and a few weeks later I was adopted. For 53 years I was raised by my adoptive parents who loved me and cared for me as if I was one of their own. I went to church through my childhood years and heard God’s Word but to me it was just a religion, something I had to do every Sunday with my family. As I got older, my love for singing led me to join the church choir. I went to rehearsals, made some friends and then sang the songs on Sunday mornings. Looking back on those years, I didn’t really know who God was, I didn’t sing the songs with passion knowing what the words really meant. I went through the motions of going to church every Sunday, singing some songs and learning a lot of rules and do’s and don’ts of the church. I never opened my bible, read a devotional or even prayed throughout the week. That was something I did only on Sundays.
In 2010, I discovered that there was a lot more to just going to church on a Sunday morning. I learned that besides having a biological father and an adoptive father, I had another Father, and that was Jesus.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
I soon realized the importance of having a relationship with my Abba Father that went way beyond going to church every Sunday and singing some praise and worship songs. I learned about the promises that Jesus had for me ever since the day I said “Yes Lord, I accept you as my Lord and Savior.” This father loved me unconditionally and forgave me for my sins.
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved. Romans 10:9-10
In 2016, my adoptive parents and myself had a difference in opinion. Such a difference, it has left a void in my life as they chose not to be in my life any longer. I struggled with feelings of failure, (I had failed them as their daughter), anger (Why won’t they speak to me?), unfairness (God, why have you allowed this to happen?), self doubt, (Is this my fault? ) and unforgiveness (Why should I forgive them?).
The enemy was controlling my thoughts! He wanted me to believe in the “why me pity party” and the accusations against myself that were flooding my mind. I was doubting myself on every level. I felt like I wasn’t good enough, that I was a failure and I was letting fear control me. I needed to remember that the only opinions that mattered were God’s opinions!
“Anytime we feel not good enough we deny the powerful truth that we are a glorious work of God in progress.”
Lysa TerKeurst “Its Not Suppose to be This Way”
I needed a lot of time and prayer with my heavenly father to come to terms with all of these emotions. First and foremost, I needed to come to terms with forgiveness. How can I be a follower of Jesus if I don’t forgive? If my loving father has forgiven me for all my sins (and yes, I have many), who am I to judge and not forgive my parents? My parents had chosen to judge me unfairly, and now I was doing the same thing. Over time, I realized that the resentment in my heart was blocking me to see clearly, to love others, to move forward in my life. It was crippling me in my thoughts and actions.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32
I realized that forgiving doesn’t mean I have forgotten what happened, and it doesn’t mean I agree with what happened. It simply means I have decided to forgive them and pray that God works in their hearts.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13
Now that the cloud of bitterness and resentment had been lifted, I was able to focus on the promises that God has given me. The lies the enemy was telling me, “You are a failure” “You are not good enough”, “You deserve to be angry at your parents” , and “Your God doesn’t love you” were no longer viable thoughts in my head. I no longer felt paralyzed by the fear of the enemy’s words. I now focus on the powerful words of God and the promises He has for me.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Colossians 3:15 NIV
This brings me to the present day, in 2019, when I decided to search for my biological parents. I was curious to learn who they were, my heritage and any health related history I should be aware of. I was shocked to see how easily I found them on Facebook. Only my dad had an account, so I took the leap of faith and sent him a message. I prayed that God would open this door so I could learn more about who I was.
Well, the door was opened, but not in the way I had hoped, expected, or could have ever imagined. My dad responded to me telling me that he wasn’t really my dad. Yes, he was married to my mom, but my mom had been raped prior to them getting married. What? Wait.. did I read that correctly? Yes, I did. He put it in bold upper case letters twice in the message…RAPED. OUCH! A lot of emotions soon erupted with that news!
But wait, my parents put me up for adoption. They could have taken another path and chose to terminate my life. I could have been just another statistic. But they chose to give me life. Praise God! A bright light shining in this dark moment of truth. Thank you God for reminding me of how important my life was to you that you prompted my biological parents to make this important choice. God knew who He wanted me to be, and made the promise of being a father to me before I was even born. He wanted to give me a chance of life and a chance to be His daughter.
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.
I will be a Father to you, and you will be my daughter says the Lord Almighty.
2 Corinthians 6:18
So, I am a product of a rape. For the first 24 hours I let that sink in. Once again, the enemy got into my head telling me all sorts of lies. Sure, I was given the gift of life, but so what? I was created not in a loving manner but in a manner that violated my mother. Although I don’t know the specific details, my thoughts wandered to the darkest most violent scenarios I could imagine. If that happened to your mom, the enemy whispered to me, you are no good. You are not worthy. You were not a planned gift, but a huge mistake.
The thoughts continued. I can only imagine that my own mother doesn’t want to have any contact with me or to even remember that I exist. I am a reminder of a terrible situation that had occurred in her life. I am a reminder of a painful situation. I should be considered a nobody. Now none of my parents want anything to do with me. I am a failure. I am not worthy.
But, how could have I forgotten my creator? My loving father who loves me unconditionally. “But God, why would I have been created this way? Why did you let my mom suffer through a terrible ordeal?”
But Then God revealed to me, “My child, I created you to become MY child. HOW that happened doesn’t change WHO you are today. You are not a broken vessel but a child loved by me, your Abba Daddy. You are my daughter, my princess. And to confirm that thought into my mind even more (because God loves to show off and confirm things for us) was this quote below from Lysa TerKeurst’s book “Its Not Suppose to be This Way” An online bible study that I am currently doing with Proverbs 31.
“God’s Word is the truth. And His truth says you are a holy and dearly loved child of your heavenly father. You are wonderfully made. You are a treasure. You are beautiful. You are fully known by him and lavishly loved by him. You are chosen. You are special. You are set apart. No matter what you’ve done or what’s been done to you, these words of God are true about you.”
Keeping my eyes focused on God through all of this has helped me keep my burdens light. God has helped me through this time of disappointment. God has us go through things so we can trust and rely on Him and look for His presence in our lives. We need to trust this process and understand He is preparing us for a blessing. Remember the story of Job? As we read it for the second, third or even 10th time, we KNOW the ending….full of blessings, but the first time we read it, we didn’t know the outcome. We thought what an awful thing Job is going through. But Job had to look for God’s presence, trust the process, understand the purpose to be prepared for God’s promises for his life. Just like we do.
“We are most triumphant when we place our disappointments in Gods hands and say,
Lord, I trust you to redeem this and return it to me as part of my testimony.” Lysa TerKeurst
Today, I am thanking God even more for my life, knowing what I have learned, that 2 people chose life over death for a little baby girl 53 years ago.
I am His masterpiece.
I am His daughter.
I am strong and courageous
I am worthy.
I am loved.
I am a child of God
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28