If I Have All “Stuff” but not Love…

Categories: Brother to Brother.

Aug 2, 2015 // By:Dave // No Comment

helping-hands-logoI am Nothing! 

Let’s back up a bit and get a running start into this one, shall we ?

Ask a guy holding a toddler in his arms who is looking at a baseball hit straight in his direction: “which is more important, the kid or catching the ball?” He will likely reply “is there a man on base?”  rotfl !!


don’t believe me ?

  1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCT_GqdIxNM (watch guy in background)
  2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smtROJs-8BU (watch to the end to see his wife’s expression of admiration)
  3. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1392502/

Let’s face it, we laugh (thinking quietly in our heads “we could have pulled that off better!”) right!?

Guys are severely task oriented (our better halves are relation oriented) and while their emotional load is alien to our method of thinking and problem solving, we should also be willing to admit that, simply, put, they hold families together better than we do. Women are better at connecting, that “relational stuff” that we tend to push aside to focus on the problem to fix instead.

Ever stop to consider that maybe we create many of the relational problems because they don’t matter to us as much as they should ?

Stop …

Lower the defense shields …

Set phasers back to stun and holster all weapons.

Let me ask a simple question: Ever hear someone on their deathbed say “I wish I had spent more time at work” ?  or how about “I should have ignored my family more and spent more time on my golf swing or my xbox” ?

Ok, good. We have now confirmed that we live on the same planet and exist in the same reality. But are both of us able to admit that it’s only at the end that most of us are willing to face our failures (failure to correctly assess our priorities to live by on this planet Earth) and make changes now while there is time to reduce the regrets we would be facing later ?

I am, how about you ?


Let’s start with Joshua 24:15 !!  There’s a proclamation of priority if ever I read one. Many men have plaques in their homes, hanging this verse on a wall. Do you mean it ?

What does it mean to serve the Lord ? … spend all week at a church and ignore family and loved ones ?

I think not.

John 13:34-35 reflect our Lord’s priorities. (along with 1 John 4:20) Obviously, there are far more verses pertaining to loving each other, but these should get the point across. God places relationships (connectivity) at the top (remember reading back in Genesis 3:8) and while we can debate whether God was physically walking in the garden, whether this was a common repeated event, or even whether it meant that Adam was intended to walk with Him or not, these do not matter as much as this: God intervened to restore a broken relationship, and quickly. It is also clear that a sacrifice (Hebrews 9:22) had to be offered to cover the sin that broke the relationship.

So let’s pull some facts together into a neat bundle…

  1. God thinks connection is important (relationships) (Matt 22:37-39)
  2. God sacrificed His own Son to restore broken relationships (John 3:16)
  3. Jesus Christ sets the specific example of how husbands are to love their wives and be connected with them (Eph 5:25)
  4. We don’t do this as often as we need to and often do what we should not be doing (Romans 7:15-25)

Pull this forward into 1 Cor 13:1-3 and we read Paul telling us that stuff does not compare to love.

1 Cor 13:4-12 basically confirm the value of love, compare this gift to the other inferior gifts, explains that the mark of maturity is LOVE.


I found this chart online and thought it would be useful here.

Wife’s Reaction

Husband’s Action (or inaction causing the wife’s reaction)

When the wife feels insecure. The husband is not being a spiritual leader.
When the wife takes matters into her own hands and assumes the leadership role. The husband has allowed problems to continue and even get worse.
When the children rebel, the wife blames her husband. The husband has not supported his wife in disciplining the children.
When the wife becomes resentful of financial pressures. The husband has been spending extra money on things he enjoys.
When the wife feels inferior and jealous. The husband praises or admires other women.
When the wife feels unable to totally give herself (body, soul and spirit) to her husband. The husband only verbalizes his love when he wants a physical relationship.
When the wife feels frustration from not knowing how to please her husband. The husband doesn’t praise her for specific things.
When the wife turns to others who will listen to her true feelings. The husband doesn’t make the time to listen to his wife.
When the wife feels unprotected. The husband has not been alert to the dangers which his wife faces.
When the wife feels inadequate in trying to meet her husband’s physical needs. The husband has been lusting after other women.
When a wife mentally gives up and loses all hope The husband is prideful, never in the wrong, loses his temper to stay in control and never asks for forgiveness.


When we fail to love, these left hand items creep into our relationships like critters in the dark, unseen, dangerous and toxic.


Love takes sacrifice. Always has, always will (that’s the point isn’t it?)  Agape love is “love in action”. Love is demonstrated and proved by sacrifice. John 3:16. If God had to give it all, should we expect to give less ?

If you are not sacrificing anything for the sake of connection, I don’t think you are really loving. Don’t argue with me, argue with God (and when He is finished with you, go back to love your wife, and your children, and your neighbor the way that God designed and empowered you to) 🙂

Zech 4:6 and Phil 4:13 should be of great encouragement right now. You can do it, You shall do it and all you have to do is let God do it through you.

in His service, Dave Cadieux

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